How Surain Received Her Name: This story is a transcript of a tape Surain dictated on Monday 4th (a few days before her passing) with the help of her friend Laura Smith. She wanted to share at her memorial the story of how she got her name.
"My father has a great love of words, for the sound of words and the use of words. He likes to wave them around on his tongue and make them beautiful. The opportunity to give a person a beautiful name is a treasure in itself. So when my Uncle Charlie Peterson, the brother of my mother’s father, visited Seattle from northern Sweden, shortly before my birth, my father got just that opportunity. It was a beautiful day in early Spring, and he was walking around the yard with Uncle Charlie and they came to a lilac in full bloom. Uncle Charlie said it was called ‘Syren’ in Swedish. Thank goodness my father didn’t know how to spell it in Swedish. Instead he spelled it phonetically as ‘Surain’ and named me that when I was born. I liked it. I loved it. For only a very short time in my existence when I was just as happy if they called me ‘Sue.’ But I am not a ‘Susan.’ I love it! Thank you, Father. Thank you very much."
¶ Surain’s childhood and youth: Surain was the second of four children including an older sister, Cheryl, and two younger brothers, Trent and Ed. The family lived in North Seattle at North Beach for first three years of her life. They moved to Fauntlee Hills above the Fauntleroy Ferry dock in West Seattle, overlooking Surain’s beloved Puget Sound, the waters she loved to kayak and sail, the waters that will receive her ashes today.
Surain attended Fauntleroy Grade School. Her father Jack has often said that in his mind’s eye he will always remember Surain walking down the hill and up the hill to and from school when she was a little girl. Her tastes were already being formed. Once she took a red pepper plant to school. On the way back up the hill after school she began sucking on the spicy pepper that was growing on the plant. By the time she got home her lips were thickly swollen and her taste for spicy food was established.
She attended Denny Junior High, was confirmed at Fauntleroy Congregational Church, and graduated from Sealth High School in 1967. She broke the family UW tradition and went away to school at WSU, where she studied Hotel and Restaurant Administration for two years. She worked summers at Alderbrook Inn. Then she attended Denver University and lived and worked in Denver. While there, living in a big house with other girls, she once had a conversation in which she declared her intention of travelling broadly and seeing many lands. One girl, awestruck by this ambition, announced that she had never been out of Colorado. Surain declared that it was time to fix that so they drove all the way to Cheyenne, Wyoming for dinner.
¶ Denver: In Denver Surain made a good friend named Rosie (Rosemary Lewis), with whom she began what would become a lifetime of travels.
Rosie Lewis: “I met Surain in Denver in the summer of 1970. I had moved there with two friends from college, just for the summer, just for some adventure. They couldn’t find jobs and so went back to Wisconsin, which left me with a job and no place to live. I was working through a temp agency and got a 6-week job at Amoco Oil Co., where Surain worked. We became friends and when she learned I would be “homeless” she said, “You can live with me. I have an extra bed in my studio apartment.” (It was a large studio). That was the beginning of our adventures together.
RainRobert: Surain had two jobs at some point. Her boss [at the oil company] didn't do much and did not seem to care about his job at all, and it seemed he wanted to keep Surain there at any cost. He wasn't there much, but once he came into the office finding Surain asleep on top of his big desk! No, he did not fire her. She also got the bartending job because Colorado had just made it legal for women to tend bars (imagine!!). She had previous bartending experience, I don't remember from where, and there were few women in Colorado who had that.
Rosie Lewis: That summer I met her parents who came to visit us. Such wonderful people. We hit it off very well. We made some day trips into the mountain towns and had a great time. At the end of the summer, before I went back to Wisconsin and school, Surain and I drove to San Francisco and surrounding area, in her convertible. We had a blast, hanging out in Golden Gate Park3, visiting the wine country (Surain did like wine.) Met some very interesting people in Mendocino. Drove up the coast to Seattle, where I met the rest of her family. We returned to Denver and I returned to school in Wisconsin, hoping and planning to return to Denver when I graduated, which I did with a different college roommate. Surain knew we were coming, and we found a large apartment for the three of us. Surain was a bartender at a Mexican restaurant and I think she helped me get a job as a waitress in one of their sister restaurants. Two other friends from Wisconsin [including Janet Totero] moved out to Denver and so we found a big, old house where we could all live together, with a few others too I believe!
Rosie Lewis: One thing I remember about Surain was her taste for adventure, even when it came to cooking. She didn’t cook much, but one thing she did do well was scrambled eggs - with all kinds of stuff in them, really good and so different from my usual plain eggs. Hers were spicy and they were a favorite of everyone’s. I remember telling her I was planning on working two jobs so I could save enough money to travel in Europe for at least six months. She thought for just a minute or two and then said, “I’ll go with you!” and so it went.
¶ Travels in Europe: Surain and Rosie set off for Europe for nine months 1972-73, meeting other travelers and adapting their itinerary as opportunities arose.
Rosie Lewis: I left Denver in August, 1972, drove my little VW bug to Wisconsin to spend a few weeks with my parents and Surain went to Seattle and we met in Chicago or New York to fly to Copenhagen together, our first European stop. We went to Sweden, to Umeå, I believe and met Ulla, saw the university, where I met a beautiful Swedish guy and fell head over heels (those Swedes do have some kind of charisma!) We tried twice to catch an early-morning ferry to Finland, but could never seem to get up in time to make it, so we decided to just to go Norway.
Rosie Lewis: Our travels took us to Holland, Belgium, France, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, etc. While in south Germany, we stopped in Garmisch to look up a woman who used to bartend with Surain in Denver. She was working on an American army R&R base. We spend a few days there, which later would become very fortuitous for me.
Janet Totero: I do remember that the trip took place in the Fall of 1972 and lasted through most of 1973. I first met Rain in Denver when I moved there with Rosie. I didn't know her well but got to know her on our journeys. It started in Munich. I mentioned earlier that I met up with Rain and Rosie in Munich during Octoberfest. Rosie and Rain were already in Europe when I met up with them. It was Octoberfest in Germany - what a way to start our trip. We did make our way up to Amsterdam and bought a car - we called it our Tonka truck - it was a Renault. I think it only had two seats and the back of the truck was just that --it had a roof and room to stretch your legs. No safety standards in those days.”
Rosie Lewis: Some highlights though are: we bought a little, gray panel truck in Amsterdam which we traveled in throughout Europe, including ferrying it from Italy to Greece, where we eventually left it in a customs lot at the Athens airport so we could spend several months in Israel. That whole process of dealing with the Greek government, when everything was truly “Greek” to us, was quite an ordeal as I recall.
Janet Totero: There are so many memories. Driving through Italy, up Mount Etna in a torrential downpour. Driving through Sicily and being driven off the road. Going from Brindisi, Italy to the Greek island of Corfu. Discovering retsina [the wine of Greek Gods]. Driving into Turkey; getting into an accident in Istanbul. I need to collect my thoughts and recall those times.
¶ Janet Totero: "There are memories from the trip in Western Europe, Andorra stands out, where we met up with some English guys and ate snails and drank whatever was being served. I'm not sure but I think we then headed south into Spain and on to Italy. So I'll start there. Rain was easy to travel with - she didn't let the little things bother her, like all the strikes in Italy. I thought it was charming that the Italian workers seemed to strike for no apparent reason, just for the fun of taking a day off. Anyway, we spent enough time eating our way through Italy when we decided to head to Greece. We took the ferry from Brindisi and landed in Corfu. We had our Tonka truck with us. It was great being able to drive but a nightmare dealing with the Greek government. When we landed in Corfu, a young Greek (I think his name was Nicholas) convinced us that we should stay at his family's pension. I think he was hitting on us. We didn't object. I remember we spent time with Nicholas and some of his friends who whisked us away on motorcycles to their local hot rustic spots. I remember eating sparrow and drinking ouzo and retsina at tavernas. We stayed for a little while and then started driving towards Athens. We spent time in Olympia the original location of the Olympics. It was such a tranquil spot. I can still picture Rain wandering through the ruins.
Janet Totero: When we first landed in Greece we were wined and dined. We definitely thought we had come to the right place. I have memories of Rain dancing with the Greek men - think Zorba the Greek - and to show how happy you were, usually in a taverna, taking dinner plates and smashing them to pieces. Yes. Rain did get into it. We took up residence in Athens at a small pension near the Plaka I think. After roaming around Athens we visited some of the islands. You've heard about Crete [from Rosie, below]. We also spent time on Mikonos and Rhodos. All those wonderful tavernas in Greece, where we would be taken into the kitchen to be shown what was cooking. We'd point at what appealed. Like in Italy, we ate our way through Greece.
Rosie Lewis: “We spent a wonderful month of December on the southern coast of Crete in a small town called Aghia Galini, where travelers from all over the world were gathering. We had heard about this place from others we had met along the way, and it was a treasure. The weather was sunny and warm, and we literally “owned” the town because of our buying power. We all stayed in the 2 or 3 small hotels, ate in the restaurants, drank the wine and ouzo, shopped in the little shops. It was heaven. Christmas dinner was memorable. We all chipped in and did something or cooked something that would make us all remember Christmases past. I remember a guy from San Francisco making oyster stuffing/dressing for the small turkey we somehow found on the island. Then we all sat out on the main street, which wound slightly downhill to the pier, in the sun and ate our wonderful dinner, drinking wine, and feeling like one really large and happy family. It was great.
Rosie Lewis: “Another story I remember is when we were in Athens, before we started island hopping. We had met an “older” man in his early 40’s (older??), a teacher from upstate New York. This guy was sharp. His name was Jim. Don’t know how we met, but he took a liking to Surain, Janet and me. So we hung out a lot together. One day, we were somewhere having our morning coffee, reading the International Herald Tribune, and Jim was reading something about Nixon and this “Watergate thing.” Jim said, and I remember this so clearly: “This thing is really going to be BIG!” This was December 1972 before the whole scandal had been exposed. We didn’t think much of his comment then, but later on I remember thinking how sharp this guy was to pick up on that. Actually, there’s a great picture of Jim, Surain, Janet and me in front of our little gray vehicle, which we called a Tonka truck because it was so small. Surain had given me a copy of it when we visited her and Robert at their wonderful “floating home.” I remember seeing it and saying to Surain that I didn’t have a copy of it and could I make one, and she just told me to take that one. Always a generous creature, she was.
Janet Totero: It's the morning and I keep thinking of this trip. Did anyone mention our drive up the Dalmatian Coast from Greece into the former Yugoslavia? What a trip! It was like driving into a time machine, back in time. The drive from Greece around Albania (a closed country) and to Dubrovnik was amazing. The road we took was narrow and had a shear drop thousands of feet down - no guard rail - you could see cars that were just left at the bottom. I think Rosie did most of the driving on that stretch. I doubt we ever had the car checked. Dubrovnik was a beautiful fairly popular tourist town, famous for nude bathing as I recall. We stayed in the apartment/home with a family. What a beautiful spot right on the Adriatic coast. We drove inland, I think, to Belgrade, I could be wrong, but it was weird and I'm sure we were being watched while we were there. I remember a Saturday night in the square. The whole town was out walking in file two by two; we fell in line, walking and talking and going around in a circle. We stayed in a big empty hotel, a cold unfriendly place. I had forgotten about that part of the trip. We left and am sure headed to our familiar Greece. All roads for us at the time led to Athens. I can't remember if this jaunt was before we went to Turkey or after Israel.
¶ Janet Totero: At some point, I don't know if it was before Israel or after, we got into our car and drove north through Greece and into Turkey. It's true about the brothel, although I was somewhat oblivious. We were a bit paranoid after that. It's lucky we got out of Turkey without landing in one of their jails.
Rosie Lewis: “The story Janet told about our time in that small Turkish town, which we were driving through to get to Istanbul was so well remembered by her. I can just see our faces when we realized we were actually in a brothel and that these Turkish guys were probably thinking that these free-spirited (loose?) American might just accommodate them in some “little” way for bringing us out to this place. That’s when we got the hell out and I think called for a cab. That night I remember going back to the hotel, pushing a dresser to block the door, and sleeping in our clothes, just in case we had to make a quick exit, which is just what we did. We got up before dawn, quietly went down to our car and drove away. Phew!!
RainRobert: Thanks for sending the story from Rosie. I don't think I have seen Janet's version of the Turkish brothel, or if I have, I have forgotten it. [Editor’s note: It was probably shared between them rather than sent to Robert.] One thing Rosie does not say is something I clearly remember Surain telling me; she had a fierce temper. When they found out about the brothel, she was the one getting up first and using all of her temper to the advantage to get them out of there!
Rosie Lewis: “A story from Istanbul. I was driving in the city (crazy motorists) and I was making a turn and I hit a big, old American taxicab, a big black thing. I remember the driver being so upset and me telling him I had insurance, everything would be all right, we just needed to get to the insurance agent’s office, wherever that was. We find it, go through a big hassled, settle with the cabby, he gets some money to fix his almost non-existent damage, while we were stuck with a big old smashed front fender, which we could absolutely not drive for long with it that way. So we’re in a cafe near our hotel, talking about how we were going to find a place to get it fixed, when this young Turkish guy comes up. He spoke English and had overheard us and said he had a friend who had a body shop and he would be happy to fix it for us for nothing, or practically nothing. So we go there, on a city bus (another story in itself) and see the guy, who says he’ll fix it. “After several days of nothing happening, we finally figured out that he would fix our car, not for nothing, but for something, and I’m sure you can figure out what that just might have been. Well we did, in a few seconds flat. So I remember being in that cafe, figuring out what the first guy was trying to tell us. I remember getting so mad, telling Surain and Janet that we had to pay for it ourselves (I think it was about $150 total), going up to our room, getting the money, shoving it into the guy’s hands, telling him to just fix the car and here’s the money. I’d say we may have been naive at the beginning of our adventures, but we certainly learning very quickly what to believe and what not to!
Jane Dunbar: “My friend, Judy LeClercq, and I met Rain and her travelling friends, Rosie and Janet, on February 18, 1973 in Athens. A fellow named Jim from our hotel told Judy and me that they wanted to fly to Israel so we left together two days later.
About that meeting, Jane says now, "It wasn't our intention to stay together but Rain and friends found a kibbutz that was willing to take five women. I remember feeling quite skeptical that there would be any advantage to the five of us staying together. Boy, was I wrong!
¶ Jane Dunbar: “We soon left for Israel and then didn't part again until we left for home. We shared a great time together and I guess that's why she remained such an important part of my life even though we hadn't seen each other for so long.”
Jane Dunbar: “Why did we go to Israel? I think it was because we wanted to empty our suitcases and stay put for a while. They didn't pay us, but they did provide us with clothing, food, an apartment and anything else we needed. They also had to take us on trips every two weeks.
Janet Totero: Did anyone mention our flight into Israel? We went there just after the a Lybian plane had been shot down by the Israelis. We got out of the plane and there were bullet holes in the airport. We were in Telaviv and picked out our kibbutz - Kibbutz Gesher - by looking at a map and seeing that it was near the River Jordan and the Sea of Galalee. We thought we were heading to a resort area or something. Anyway, when we go off the bus, the first thing we saw was a bomb shelter. We didn't have clue. I just remembered our day trip to Mesada, the cliff area in the desert where hundreds of Israelis committed suicide rather that be captured by the Romans. I think Rain climbed up the cliff rather than take the tram.
Jane Dunbar: “There were so many fun and exciting things that happened to us on that stay. Some great memories included discovering that we all thought Nixon was a jerk, dressing up as fruit trees for a costume party (Rain's idea) and working in the olive groves killing bugs on the trees.
RainRobert: “When picking the kibbutz in Israel, they had a choice where to go. They picked a place at a nice river. Going in the bus, the passengers were gradually being replaced by military. The "nice river" was just under the Jordan Heights (?) and there was shelling. They had to learn how to hide in the bunkers when planes arrived. Yes they did, but it was only a crop duster, and the Israeli laughed when they hid. The cook really liked Surain, so she worked in the kitchen all the time.“
Rosie Lewis: You have heard about Israel from Jane, I believe, so I won’t recount that episode. I just remember shopping in the bazaars in the old city in Jerusalem with Surain. We thought everything was so colorful and exotic. We bought these beautiful, hand-embroidered long black Bedouin dresses for practically nothing, telling the merchants selling them that we were just poor students with little money, and buying them for a song.
Jane Dunbar: “Judy and I left Israel on March 26, 1973 and Rain and friends stayed on for a few more weeks. We didn't know what our plans were next so we weren't sure if we'd meet again. Judy and I did some island hopping back in Greece and then found ourselves back in Athens. On April 5th we met Jim and he told they were back, too. According to my diary we were very happy to see them and we didn't part until we left for home.
Jane Dunbar: “Judy and I had a car so Janet and Rain traveled with us. [Rosie traveled with someone else back to Garmisch, which she describes below.] Over the next month we drove north heading for Amsterdam. There we sold our car and flew to London. In London we rented a cockroach-infested apartment and stayed for about a month. My memory is of lots of laughing, hours of playing cards (favorite game was Hell), and visiting great pubs with some Australian fellows we met.
Judy LeClercq: "Sorry it took so long to reply but we were off skiing for a week-plus. I had a wonderful reminiscing lunch with Jane [Dunbar] this week. We both took our pictures of Israel, and we laughed and cried over our memories of this incredibly delightful lady that entered our lives for such a short period of time but had such an impact on us for thirty years!! Thank heavens for Janey's diary and her memory cause mine's not as sharp but everything she told me brought back a flood of memories. About the only thing I can add to the tale is that after we left Isreal, Rain, Jane, Janet and I loaded up in our VW Beetle which we had stored in Athens and headed to London. Somewhere in Germany the Beetle started acting up and we ended up at my relatives farmhouse in Hermansburg, near Celle. Five days later after having every mechanic in town try to fix the car, we limped to Amsterdam and sold it. From there we headed to London to live in the cockroach-infested apartment for a short period of time.
Rosie Lewis: “I eventually found my way back to Garmisch in April of 1973, driving there from Greece with a woman I had met there. Surain and Janet ended up with Jane and Judy. Anyway, we all met up in Garmisch, I believe. I decided I wanted to stay there to work for the summer and continue traveling in the late fall. The rest decided to go to London and home from there. The fortuitous thing about me returning to Garmisch is that that summer I met my husband there. He was stationed in Garmisch, on the ski patrol in winter and giving tours of the town on bicycles in the summer. We have been together every since. We returned to states in summer of ‘74, got married in ‘75 and went back to Garmisch in ‘78 where my husband studied woodcarving in Oberammergau for 4 years. During our stay there [1982], Surain and Robert visited us when they were on holiday. Anyway, they stayed with us in our tiny studio apartment, and I remember it being such a fun visit.
Rosie Lewis: “So there you have it. I have gone on far too long, but I got carried away. Please use whatever you want. I am just so thankful to have so many wonderful memories of Surain. She was an adventurer at heart, and lived her life to the fullest, touching many people, in many places around the world.”
Judy LeClercq: "I still see my German relatives and speak to them often and have recently e-mailed them to tell them about Rain. Of course, they remembered her because of the name and they, too, send their condolences. Thank you so much for keeping us informed of this last chapter of Rain's life. To lose a friend is very difficult and I think of you all often."
Jane Dunbar: “We formed such a strong friendship and even though we saw each other only once more when we were back home, Rain remained very special to me and Judy. I know Sunday, March 17 will be a day filled with a lot of sadness but if Rain brought so much joy into our lives in only four and a half months then there must be many more happy stories out there.
Janet Totero: I still see that twinkle in Rain's eyes as we
explored new places and met new people. She naturally drew
people to her."
"Surain, I always admired your independent spirit and love of
life. You always had that special twinkle in your eyes. You will
remain in my thoughts. I will encourage my daughter to follow
her dreams, live life to the fullest and make life an adventure.
This is your legacy. "
Earlier on this same trip, Surain and Rosie visited Sweden, where they met Ulla, who would go on to fill many roles in Surain’s life. These roles included unwitting matchmaker when she set up the fate-filled trek to Nepal with a group of Swedish climbers/hikers on which Surain would meet Robert and, later, the role of sister-in-law when Ulla married Surain’s little brother Ed.
¶ Back when Surain was in high school her father, who had a background selling agricultural chemicals, bought McLean Bulb Farms, which he built up to produce and distribute horticultural supplies under the name J.M. McConkey & Co., Inc. Upon her return from her travels, she worked for this family business in Sumner. She enjoyed contributing to the family venture but made it clear that this was only temporary. In 1975 she began teaching Ed how to travel. They drove to Edmonton and "back East" across Canada to Toronto where they met Jack and Elaine for a business convention. They then all drove to southern Illinois visiting McConkey relatives, after which Jack and Elaine flew home and Ed and Surain drove across Kansas to visit friends in Denver before coming home.
Soon she got another itch and entered the Foreign Service and worked at the embassy in Vienna. A good friend whom she met in Vienna, Doug Hosey, asked (much later) to talk to Robert before the wedding saying, "I want to talk to the guy that finally snatched Surain." Her brother Ed tells stories about how Surain added a lot of life to that American Embassy, coaxing her co-workers to get out their forgotten blue jeans and teaching them how to explore the real Vienna, away from the American clubs and Embassy enclaves. They did not know how to have fun and she did her best to teach them. When she decided to leave Vienna, Ed visited her and was taken deeper into Surain-style travel. She took him to a burlesque show and to a thousand-year-old restaurant where she taught him to eat raw steak tartar. They visited Morocco and parts of Europe, and have often said they went to Italy just to taste the ice cream.
¶ In October 1977, at the invitation of Ulla, Surain went to Sweden to join a group of Swedes on a trek to Nepal. It was here that she met Robert.
The story of how Surain and Robert met: The following portions of Surain’s version of this remarkable story is drawn from a transcript of a tape Surain dictated on Sunday, March 3rd with the help of her friend, Cyndi Merritt. She wanted to share at her memorial the wonderful story of how she met her Robert. Robert’s more comprehensive telling of the story is based on interviews with him and is interspersed into her story so the whole tale might be told to those who have not heard it or might have forgotten some of the charming details.
Surain:
"People are the most important part in my life."
"And Robert is the most important person in this life."
"The story of Robert and I meeting does not at all fit with the person I know as Robert now. He flirted with me! He actually flirted with me! And that was my concept for many years until he finally stomped down his foot and told me, ‘I was not. I just wanted to sit next to you so I could sit by the group and you interpreted that as flirting.’ Oohhh boy. At least we got over that little tight spot between us. (Surain giggles.)"
RainRobert: When the group was seated on the flight to Delhi everyone was together except Robert who was with two German women. Another German was sitting with Surain and Ulla. He finally persuaded the woman to trade places with him after assuring her that she could have his window seat. He says now, "Surain happened to be in the next seat; I was very happy about that, I have to admit. But the real reason I asked her to move is that I wanted to sit by the group." Of course, Surain didn’t see all this. She just saw this big guy who managed to persuade this German woman to move so he could sit next to her. She thought, ‘Who is this guy?’ We eventually began to talk and we played cards and had a good time together. . . . And then we were in Kathmandu.
RainRobert: "On the first night in Kathmandu, as we were talking I said that I wanted to try to get lost in the narrow lanes, and Surain quickly joined me. Ulla usually did not; don't think she had the same interest. Surain loved what we saw, and she is so good at expressing it. I failed to get lost as I usually do. Yes, we definitely both loved exploring. She was with Ulla most of the time in Kathmandu, but I don't know how much Ulla saw of her in Pokhara. In Pokhara we were together almost all the time. Most people thought, ‘9 o’clock, time to go to bed. W-e-l-l . . . (chuckle). Surain and I would sit and chat until maybe 11 o’clock. We spent quite a bit of time walking around, enjoying Pokhara. Were there ‘sparks?’ No, I don’t think so. We enjoyed each other but more like good friends who liked to talk to each other. We had a lot of things in common."
RainRobert: The group’s plan was to spend a few more days in Kathmandu at the end of the trek. This was Robert’s third trip to Nepal and his fourth to India. He began to think that there was more to see in India those extra days. Two new friends Arne and Billy asked if they could join him. He agreed to show them the Taj Mahal and other sites before the group departed for Sweden.
RainRobert: The group divided into two with Surain’s group beginning their trek at Pokhara, and Robert’s group beginning at Dumre. Each group planned to approach the 17,771 foot Thorong La [‘La’ means ‘Pass’] from opposite directions, Surain’s group from the West and Robert’s from the East. Surain gave Robert an extra parting hug, prompting Robert’s friend, Billy, to suggest that Robert might be in the wrong group. As it happened, Surain and Robert met each other at the top of that extraordinary Thorong La, and, when she greeted him with an especially warm hug, she said, ‘May I go to India with you.’ That is where Robert says ‘it all started’ on November 3rd, 1977. It was very cold at the pass so they didn’t spend much time before they hiked down their separate ways down.
RainRobert: When he reached the bottom at Pokhara, Robert sped away to Kathmandu to begin changing tickets for the early departure for India, leaving Arne and Billy, who stayed and rode the bus to Dumra where they would rejoin the second group. They were charged by Robert to give Surain directions to hurry to Kathmandu. When riding away in a moving bus, Arne spotted Åke from Surain’s group and yelled, ‘Tell Surain to hop on the next bus to Kathmandu.’ Åke found Surain and said, "I didn’t see anything but I saw a bus go by and heard a voice coming out of the sky, perhaps it was from God, saying to me, ‘Tell Surain to hop the next bus to Kathmandu.’"
RainRobert: When they were airborne enroute to India the pilot invited them to the cockpit because they had done him the favor of smuggling some booze into India for him. They arrived to see through the huge cockpit windows the thrilling sight of the holy Ganges River at Varanasi, a place that was to become their favorite in India. Their three memorable days in India included the Taj Mahal and an introduction to the train stations they would later use so often. When Robert and Surain decided to forego spending a huge amount on a fancy hotel for a few hours before their early morning departure to Sweden, they went to the airport and found a tucked-away spot to rest for the night. Surain had bought a bottle of good Scotch that she dropped on the floor by their mat, so they stunk pretty badly by the time their friends found them in the morning. And sparks had definitely begun to fly in those early morning hours at the airport in Delhi.
¶ Surain: "I was sitting on that bus from the airport, with this quiet young man, this calm young man. We headed into Stockholm to say good-bye. We didn’t know for how long. I had a ticket to Seattle the next day and would be leaving. For those who haven’t heard the story, I had lost both of our tickets and my passport and I supposedly couldn’t go back to Sweden without thia passport. I better back up and tell the whole story."
Surain: "We arrived in London the day before and our plane was early. So Robert told me about a great Persian restaurant. RainRobert: ‘My friend Arne dug into his pockets to offer us enough money for a nice lunch because he thought we were a sweet couple. We took the local bus that stopped at every stop along the way, but it did go straight past the restaurant.’ Surain: Well, after we checked in and got our boarding passes, we went into town, had a ‘won-n-n- derful’ lunch and went to pay for it and, ohh ohh, my wallet, passport and our tickets were missing. So we looked at the clock and had to get moving back to the airport. We rushed to the airport [but had to wait 40 minutes for the bus], rushed to the plane and they said ‘Sorry, the plane has already pulled out to the runway.’ We had checked in and we weren’t on the plane. Security would frown on that nowadays. That lunch and losing our tickets wouldn’t have happened to us. And we wouldn’t be here."
Surain: "The plane took off so we went to the airlines and they said, ‘Oh well, it’s Sunday tomorrow. You can come out here to the airport and check in; the Embassies are not open so when you check in tomorrow, Sunday, they will advise you to sign a waiver of airline responsibility for carrying you to another country without a passport.’ I said, ‘Oh, no-o-o problem. I can do that.’ You see, I was supposed to get back the next day because I had to do a payroll, and my backup for doing the payroll had had her baby a week early. So I had to get back there."
Surain: "So now we needed tickets. We had no money. It was the end of our trip. I think I had $30 in travelers’ checks left. So Robert called his parents. And there we were. They frowned on this a lot. They said, ‘Two tickets? Why are we buying this other person a ticket?’ Robert didn’t answer that one. He had researched and learned that the downtown airline office was closed on Sunday so his parents had to drive to the airport. That is a lo-o-ong way from Stockholm. Robert’s parents got out to the airport and discovered this was a very expensive ticket—more expensive than Robert’s research indicated. So without telling Robert they decided, ‘We’re just going to buy one ticket.’"
Surain: "So Sunday morning arrives and Robert and I rushed to the airport and picked up ONE ticket. Arghhhh. They didn’t understand why, but they finally got us a second ticket. We flew to Stockholm. When coming in from London to Stockholm, we had to go through passport controls because I didn’t have a passport. They asked me what was I going to do. I said, ‘I have to take this airplane tomorrow morning. I just have to. Besides that, all my ID has been stolen. I’m more prepared to deal with the authorities when I arrive in Seattle. I’ve got ID there, I’ve got family and friends there, I’ve got money there. I’ve got the whole thing there.’ And the guy at passport control said, ‘But you’re entering without a passport.’ I said, ‘I’ll leave, I’ll leave. I promise.’ And he said, ‘O.K. If you promise that you’ll take that airline tomorrow morning, I’ll let you in.’ I said, ‘Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.’"
Surain: "I did not meet Robert’s parents yet. We took the airline bus into town and I quickly departed with the family I was staying with, who had been keeping my ticket to Seattle. The next morning I rushed out to the airport with my bags and my ticket. When the person at the ticket counter asked for my passport, I said, ‘I don’t have any. It’s been stolen. I will sign a release with SAS.’ She said, ‘Ohhh, no-o-o-o.’ And she picked up the phone and called the Embassy. So I had to go in to the Embassy; it took about a half hour to get a new passport, that was no problem, but by the time I returned the airplane was gone. I went to the counter, told them the story. They were all very sympathetic but they couldn’t do anything to alter regulations in these circumstances. They said they had to sell me the whole ticket which was about $1,000 for short notice, but they wouldn’t make it due until I got home. I said, ‘Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.’ Then it occurred to me as I was walking away from the counter, ‘I’ve missed a whole week’s payroll. I don’t have to go back tomorrow. I can stay another week. I might as well.’ So I changed it and called Robert. He picked up the phone and asked. ‘Are you already in Seattle? That was quick.’ I told him the story and he said ‘Ohhh, I have to quickly make some change of plans, I think.’"
Surain: "When I got home I wrote to SAS and I sent them $100 down. I told them this was Christmas, I had just had this major trip, I will pay you but I can’t pay now." Robert: "She said she would pay ‘under protest’ as it was really SAS’s fault that she missed her plane when they sent her back to the Embassy." Surain: "It was a three- page letter in which I said that I travel often to Sweden, that I love the country and I’ve always enjoyed the service of SAS and how often I used it to fly across the Atlantic to Europe. Eventually I got a letter back that included my un-cashed check, and they said it was a very entertaining letter and were sorry for the incident!!!"
Surain: "That’s my story of meeting Robert. We continued our mail relationship for a while and here we are."
¶ RainRobert: The summer following the Nepal trip, after writing once or twice a week for a year, Robert came to Seattle for his holiday of five weeks. They traveled together up and down the coast to Garibaldi in Canada to Yosemite in California, visiting friends and hiking. They had two tents, one a large car-tent and a second little $19.95 K-mart tent. Early in their trip, on a very rainy night in Canada they discovered that they didn’t have the poles for the big tent and that the little tent leaked a lot. It was in that leaking tent in British Columbia they decided to get married. They were married at First Lutheran Church of West Seattle on November 24, 1978. Their reception was at Shilshole [Marina], another of many fitting reasons for the place of her memorial.
Surain: "In the meantime, we had tremendous, tremendous travels all over the world, that all of you know about now. People, character, culture, that’s my likes, my love. The different cultures and the kind of people those cultures make fascinate me."
Some brief stories from Robert of their early life together and of their travels that capture the character of Surain:
RainRobert: "From Sweden I was used to couples fairly often doing their own thing, men at work and clubs, women at bridge club, etc. Surain from the beginning insisted on doing everything together. Even if we had disagreements, she still wanted us to be together. I first assumed that this was a Sweden/US difference, but I now know that Surain's approach was more unusual than average for American women. Early in our marriage when we lived in Sweden, the entire company went to Amsterdam to do business, but the trip really was for fun. Since Surain did not have that many friends yet after four months in Sweden, I refused to go without her. I think the owners cringed a bit, but finally paid her ticket as well. I have really appreciated this being together. I have never understood the interest for mens’/womens’ clubs and feel a little bit lost without her (when on rare occasions only one of us would show up to a party, people would say, ‘But you don't exist separately.’)"
RainRobert: "More things Surain taught me: - My life in Sweden was very much focused on being with people who had studied at the university. My friends and I just did not mingle with other people. Maybe it is not just Surain's doing, but our lives here meant having friends from all social groups."
RainRobert: “Her extraordinary care for all kinds of people, even the poorest and dirtiest beggar. I don't think I have reached Surain's level, but I am at least a bit closer."
RainRobert: “We were living in Sweden. We went to a party away from the city. It started in the afternoon with games, trying to score points in throwing darts, etc. (I really only remember the one activity). One was to shoot a gun to try to hit a target. Surain had never held a gun before, but tried really hard. But she could just not bring herself to do it; she started shaking. It was not due to aiming or anything like that, her mind had been so much against bearing arms and it was impossible for her to do it. The host was a bit surprised, but pleasantly I think (he is still a good friend), "we all think that Americans use guns all the time, but the only American person was the only one who was too much against arms to be able to use it".
RainRobert: “Surain joined a class in making birch bark when we lived in Sweden. It was just a minute or two walk from our apartment. She hadn't been that long in Sweden, and her Swedish was OK but not great. (I think she was pretty brave to entering the class at that time; but she did OK. Have you seen the results at home? I was at times a bit surprised when she asked me a few word questions at home later.) When we left Sweden, she called up some person in Northern Sweden and bough 20 kg of birch bark from him. She had timed it just right - my interpretation - so the birch arrived the day after she left, but almost a week before I did. It was a lot more than expected. It filled up my entire large suitcase and I still had to give away a third. Then I had to buy an extra suitcase for the thing that were supposed to go into the full suitcase. She worked on it a number of years after that."
RainRobert: “She loved the thunder in Stockholm, which is common in summer, especially in June. Our apartment had windows both sides. One night the thunder arrived, and decided it liked it right there, so it stayed for five hours! It was incredibly loud and bright, it lit the entire sky, and almost the entire apartment because of the light from both sides. I have been to many thunderstorms in the tropics, but never anything like this one. Surain was so excited, but I had to remind her that it burned down five homes during the night."
RainRobert: “She was intrigued when we made our own liquor in the kitchen. A friend wanted to make it (liquor is so expensive in Sweden), but was afraid his kids would talk about it at school. So he brought it to our little apartment, let it ferment in a corner of the kitchen and then distilled it. It was fun and Surain had never seen the process before."
RainRobert: “My old washing machine had been moved to the family vacation home. In early February we decided to go out there and get it. You first drive about 45 minutes, and then take a boat. This being a very cold winter, it was frozen everywhere. But the boat could force the ice (it was very noisy to listen to it breaking the ice). It could not go close to shore. Way out from the villages, they would put up a little pole on the ice. This is where the boat would stop, so people had to walk out here on the ice. Surain absolutely loved this process. At our vacation home we discovered that the washer was too heavy to lug. The ice was thick, so I wanted to demonstrate how you walk on it. This was on the edge of the Baltic, so the water is a bit saltier. As soon as I walked out, I went right through the ice!"
RainRobert: “In 1982 - while living in Sweden - we drove around Europe in our old BMW. Somewhere in Switzerland, while negotiating a hill, the clutch decided to stay pressed in after every time you shifted. You had to force it out to continue driving. Later in France, our friends "fixed it" with a heavy rubber band. Leaving France, we were proud of ourselves being able to finish every single centime at the Hypermarché. As I started the car, I noted that the gears had shifted, but I could still drive. But five minutes later, there was a small explosion and the car stopped. The distributor cap had broken! We had an extra one, but as soon as we put it into gear, everything would lock up, and eventually the new cap broke again. We talked to a mechanic, who tried to get a new cap - but too no avail. This was a German car, not a French one and we were at least five kilometers from the German border. Eventually he gave up, saying that we couldn't service the car in France. He suggested towing it to Belgium (about as far as to Germany) where there were mechanics. It was at this point that I convinced Surain to abandon the car (16 years old). We parked the car in a neighborhood (letting it roll down there) and slept in it during the night. I managed to scrape off the registration tag. The next morning we realized we had no money (remember how good we had been at getting rid of the French ones?) and dollars and German marks were not wanted! We had to walk halfway to the train station, carrying half the stuff, returning and picking up the other half. It stank of wonderful French cheese, which, of course, we could not abandon."
"I had always felt that Surain was more stubborn than I, but she thought the opposite. So we asked our friends. I was ready to dismiss them all and get new friends after that!"
Both Robert and Surain were drawn to water in a powerful way. RainRobert: "I grew up loving the water. But Surain loved it, too. After we married we began snorkeling and even scuba diving a little. She was the one getting us interested in kayaks, and she got bolder and bolder. One incredible snorkeling site in Fiji is right where there is a break in the coral reefs, so boats can go in and out to the ocean. At deep water we hopped into the ocean to snorkel. I towed the kayak behind me in order not to loose it. Then we climbed back into the kayak (it is very stable)."
"When we kayaked in the Everglades and saw an alligator, we would paddle closer to get a better picture. Elizabeth, who was with us, turned the other way away from it.
RainRobert: “Summer 1978, seeing Surain's house for the first time: She complained about the ugly mushrooms on the lawn (comparing them to phallic symbols). I checked them out and served them for appetizer! A beginning of a long appreciation for wild mushrooms.”
RainRobert: “Summer 1978, actually before we got married. I was visiting Surain. We drove up to Garibaldi north of Vancouver. Surain had heard that it was a fantastic hike (it was). We had just bought a $19.95 K-mart tent to use for sleeping. We also had a borrowed car tent with us. Found a place north of the border in the evening and proceeded to put up the car tent. Alas! there were no poles! So we pitched the K-mart tent instead. This particular night it decided to rain heavily, and the K-mart tent wasn't made for heavy rains. We were fairly wet the next day. Used a laundry mat in Vancouver - AND went to a lumberyard to buy a tent pole. We knew we couldn't use the K-mart tent in the mountains. This turned out to be the most I had ever carried on a hike at that time - 80 pounds. The car tent alone weighed 30 (no, not made for hiking). Surain carried 60 or at least 50. On the way down, two smartly dressed women, not too far from the trailhead, asked: Going for a day hike? Couldn't they see how loaded we were?”
RainRobert: “January, 1980: We had a nice, new tent and went hiking to the Ocean. It started raining when we left the trailhead, and finished when we got back. Two nights out there. We had a good tent, but ... it leaked like a sieve at the bottom. Later we found out that you have to seam-seal them . . .”
RainRobert: “We once kayaked down the Skagit river in January when there are so many bald eagles there. We were in our double Folboat kayak (an American folding kayak which we owned for about 7 month; it was very far from the quality of the boat we own now). The river flowed swiftly. At one point we were in a slower side channel and then hit the main channel broad sided. We did not know much about rivers and currents. When you hit a faster current from the side, it first grabs the underwater part of the boat to bring it up to current speed. The above water does not have that grab, so the boat tilts upstream. We nearly flipped into this ice-cold water! I now know that you are supposed to lean downstream to avoid this. We had two friends with us, using our two single kayaks. At one point the woman, being behind us but ahead of her boyfriend, managed to get snagged into branches and flipped in the swift current. We could see it all happen, but it was impossible to paddle upstream to help her. So we sat for half an hour, watching her boyfriend helping her back into the kayak. She was extremely cold and lost her paddle. Meanwhile, there were lots of bald eagles nearby, and Surain and I had the most wonderful view of the eagles courting very nearby.”
¶ RainRobert: Nicaragua, 1981: “We hadn't thought so much that it had been 2 years and a few days since the Sandinista takeover. A famous market in Guatemala had been vandalized that day; the only reason we did not go to it on that day was that it was raining too hard and we were getting colds. In Nicaragua, they were VERY non- plussed by seeing an American citizen. One time they separated us, put a machine gun at Surain's stomach and asked ‘CIA?’. Surain's Spanish wasn't very good, but she said ‘NO.’ They pressed the gun closer and said again ‘CIA?’ before letting her go. Yes, we were very naive at that time. This is the only time I have seen her hide behind my citizenship. They would ask where we were from, I would say ‘Sweden,’ and she would shut her mouth."
RainRobert: Nicaragua, going on to Costa Rica, 1981: "Surain had read in our excellent South America handbook that it was possible to take a boat across Lake Nicaragua (shark infested fresh water) to the Southeast end near the boarder to Costa Rica, and from there a dug-out canoe to the border. So we went down there. This was even more naive. We found out that this was a Contras stronghold, and the government did not let any tourists cross the border here. They didn’t like Americans there, but I don't think she had to show her passport."
RainRobert: Peru, 1981: "Notwithstanding the earlier K-mart experience, we carried the same tent to South America. It weighed just under 2 pounds, and our regular tent (hiking tent this time) weighed 9.5. I especially remember the Inca trail. We had stopped early during a rare sun break. Started cooking about 5:30. The rain came back, and we escaped into the tent. And it rained, and rained, to finally let up at 6 a.m. There was a river in the tent (literally). It was safe on top of the pad, but it wasn't possible to keep all of the sleeping bag there. And don't even think about touching the walls of this little tent.”
RainRobert: South America 1981: “When leaving Boliva for Brazil, we took an 18 hour train ride (very bumpy) from Santa Cruz to the boarder. They quickly stamped me out, then looked at Surain's American passport and said, "Go back to Santa Cruz and get a visa for Brazil." This would have meant 18 hours back, wait a couple of days during the weekend and then 18 hours to the border again. Needless to say, severe arguing was called for. We said that she did not need a visa. The customs officer then produced a document that said that Americans needed a visa for Brazil. We double-checked the South American Handbook, and then showed it to him. He did not speak any English, but seemed to nod, but still insisted. We could then show him that our book was newer than his document (he still could not read it, but seemed to believe us). But still wouldn't agree. I then asked him (my Spanish was much better than Surain's) if we could walk across to the Brazilian boarder and ask them. To this he did agree, but would not stamp her out. We took a colectivo to the closest city, and then another to the train station (it took like half an hour), where the customs were located. A very friendly man said "Bon Dia," grabbed our passports and stamped us into Brazil, laughed and handed the passports back. Did we go back to the Bolivian side to have Surain stamped out properly . . . well, nobody is perfect. We later found out that Surain DID need a visa.”
RainRobert: Chile, 1981: “We had taken the ferry from just south of Puerto Mont (the end of the Transamerican Highway) to Puerto Aisen. From here we wanted to go south to Laguna San Rafel (I think), a big tidewater glacier (and I also think the tidewater closest to the Equator). We - plus one Canadian - talked to fishing boats that could take us down there. They said: ‘It will be a 4 day trip and (looking at Surain) there are no bathroom facilities on the boat.’ (They were all men of course.) But we found a pilot on a small plane who took us down there (an incredible place, but too long to mention here.) When we flew back, the clouds were quite low, so the pilot had to fly in the valleys to see where he was going. He pointed out that he did not have much gas left and, what was worse, he was lost! He turned the plane around, and between the four of us, we could figure out where he had made a bad turn. When we got closer to the airport in Puerto Aisen, he pointed out that the gas gauge said 0. . . . but we made it down.”
RainRobert: Moscow, 1983: “When the subway arrived, Surain walked in and they closed the doors and left. She couldn't see me and panicked. She spoke absolutely no Russian (mine was poor, but not nill) and had not paid attention to directions. I had taken pictures and managed to get into the same car, but two doors further down. She told me never to do that again."
RainRobert: Beijing, 1983: “On our first night we went to a nice restaurant, the best we found in China, and ordered- -with a phrase book- -vegetarian food. When the food came in, 2/3 was meat and 1/3 was not. To our question, the waiter pointed to the vegetables and said: ‘There is your vegetarian food!’"
RainRobert: Nature Conservancy, 1986: In 1985 Surain went looking for work that would satisfy her soul and be filled with meaning. Robert and Surain had been supporting the Nature Conservancy for a couple of years when she responded to a job announcement for which she was overqualified. They hired someone more suited to that job but liked her so much that they called her in 1986 when a position opened that was suited to her talents. She spent 13 years there filling many roles and leaving a lasting impact on those with whom she worked. Among the many contributions she made, with Robert’s help and encouragement, was to research, urge and then install computerization of the Washingon field office.
¶ Surain: Ode to Robert, 1997 (For his 50th birthday)
"To Robert:
I remember our introduction that day at Arlanda airport. To my dismay, I recall asking you if you went by ‘Bob’. Awwwk! And then on the plane - as you tried out several different languages on the woman seated beside me until you found one that she understood. I sat with mouth agape as you and she traded seats and you were soon seated beside me. I remember playing games, word games, on that flight.
Our real bonding started in Kathmandu, as we explored the streets and back alleys, temples and shops of that city. It's the little things that make cultures different, ~ small nuances of the architecture - how the doorways function, how plants become integral to temples and buildings ~ activities that make up morning rituals - the bath, the food with which one breaks the night's fast ~ sounds - roosters, pigs, dogs, bicycle bells, vendors calling out, horns honking ~ Slowly, with every pore of our bodies receptive, we saw and breathed and tasted and heard Kathmandu. We found soul-mates in one another with whom to explore this culture. You showed me windows and opened doors to the world. Nepal was my first truly different culture. You were a man of vast experience already.
Now, 20 years later, we've ventured through many of those doors together. Albeit, sometimes you have to push a bit. Robert the optimist. Robert can't even imagine any stumbling blocks. Surain the cautious. Surain worries that the locals might be suspicious of us. Surain worries that we might not find anyplace to sleep that night.
I'll not forget leaving Seattle for the unknowns of Tonga. Our long flight took us to Hawaii, over the date line, and eventually to the airport near Nuku'alofa, the capital of Tonga. It was already late and the processing through customs took more time. Eventually the crush of greeters and travelers from the international flight dissipated from that tiny, one-room airport, and our presence became more and more apparent. A man asked us if we weren't getting on the hotel van, and we explained that we weren't planning to stay at the city's one ‘international’ hotel and were hoping to find something smaller. Aah! He knew just the place. Stick with him while he dropped his passengers at the hotel, and he'd take us there. We did, and he did. He awoke the owners of a guest house, and indeed we were well received (despite the midnight hour).
Yes, Robert, your optimism bore fruit once again. I often recall this incident when my hopes are flagging. Things work out, they always work out . . . just stick with Robert.
And I do . . . gladly."
¶ The following poem was written by her co-worker Melissa Laird:
Surain just did some yoga
when our checks were sent in late;
She would wear a silky shawl
when the rest of us wore jeans.
Surain made fresh samosas
when we mostly brought in chips;
She would clean the kitchen
when everyone else went home.
Surain had rings upon her toes
and tales of distant shores;
She took care of leaves and ferns
and all the lovely things;
You could watch her like a bird
or a seashell or a child on a swing;
Surain would make things happen
as if they were real and in a dream.
We'll always remember Robert
with his beautiful Surain;
And she'll always be a part of us
like the air, the water, the leaves, the sound
and the wind ...
¶ Theresa Wolter: Houseboats at Mallard Cove, Seattle, 1987ff. “Remembering Surain: Surain and Robert moved into our Mallard Cove Houseboat community nearly 15 years ago and we have been friends ever since. Though she and Robert moved a few years ago to another dock and we moved recently to terra firma, we still stayed in touch through parties, sailing rendezvous, and gym classes. We always had lots and lots to talk about. Which was kind of amazing when you think about it because on the surface we really did not have that much in common. She liked tall lanky guys, while I preferred them a lot stockier. She leaned to the left politically and I leaned towards the right. She didn’t have kids and I had several. She didn’t own a t.v. and I watched some t.v. everyday. She kayaked everywhere, while I much preferred the creature comforts of a larger sailing vessel.
“So obviously, we didn’t discuss guys, politics, kids or t.v. shows. For a lot of people maybe that would not leave too much else to talk about. But not for Surain and me. We discussed important stuff like how much we both loved ginger – ginger anything – ginger candy, ginger sorbet, and just plain ginger. We talked about things like the decision to have or not have children and how she in recent years would tell all of her intelligent young friends to go forth and multiply because they are the ones who should be having the children. We talked about relationships, jury duty, gym workouts, wine tastings, plants, and fostering community spirit through fun activities. Like when we decided to become "one" with Roanoke Reef by connecting all our patio floats from our houseboat to Roanoke Reef, hire an oompah band, and have a community floating Oktoberfest. We laughed a whole lot together, Surain and I. Even when it was through our tears.”