We at Team Survivor all just knew her as Surain, no last name needed. And Surain was a woman as unique as the name her father created for her. Have you ever known another Surain?

Surain was diagnosed with breast cancer in August of 1999, within weeks of leaving The Nature Conservancy, where she had enjoyed working as a highly appreciated colleague for over 13 years. She was 51. "I put off my mammogram until I left the Conservancy," Surain explains.

"A major goal with more free time was to give real attention to my physical fitness. Although I did some gym workouts, I hadn't taken part in team activities."

Surain did not abandon her goal of getting fit because she had cancer. The cancer brought her to Team Survivor, an exercise program for women with cancer, and to the dragon boat team.

"Dragon boating just spoke to me," Surain says. "I became physically more active after my diagnosis. I love the water, and this dragon boating was so beautiful that it just drew me. It spoke to me.

"I consider myself a water person. I was born and raised in Seattle, looking at views of Vashon and Blake Islands. Puget Sound is in my blood. We live on a house boat, and we used to have a water bed."

A BOAT FULL OF CLOSE FRIENDS
The Team Survivor dragon boat team had 35 members last year. This year there will be more, possibly as many as 45. The boat holds 22--one caller, one woman on the tiller and 20 paddlers.

Surain feels these women have become her closest friends. "The women of the dragon boat team give each other support in our dealings with cancer, but cancer is not our major topic of conversation. I love that. It's such a positive direction. We're all active, we get physically involved in our own health."

She observes that team members frequently gather for coffee after a practice to talk. Spouses come along to races, "and they too become part of the support group."

As part of last year's dragon boat fund-raising effort, a group of team members offered a gourmet dinner for six on a houseboat as an auction item. The houseboat, of course, was the home Surain shares with her husband, Robert, a native of Sweden whom she met traveling in Nepal. The meal was prepared by Diane Bowlin, Sally Still, Barb Carey, Cheri Rutherford, Marcia Legro, Dena Lasater and Surain.

The dinner was bought by Diana Kutas, also a Team Survivor member.

DIAGNOSIS
When Surain was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1999, she was told her cancer was very early, stage one, with no lymph node involvement. Still, she was told that the pathology showed it was a very aggressive cancer.

Surain's treatment included lumpectomy and radiation therapy.

She worked out with the dragon boat team, but took time off for a six-month trip to India with Robert.

Surain's cancer returned in March 2001. Surain found a lump in the supraclavicular region, then scans showed tumors in the lungs and behind the sternum as well. She underwent chemotherapy. Surain recalls that, "During the chemo I felt very strong and continued paddling with the dragon boat team that entire time except during a trip to Sweden."

She adds, "I felt healthy and I think that the involvement with the dragon boat team, the activity, helped me to feel healthier, too. It contributed to my ability to maintain my strength, energy and positive mental attitude."

During this time, Surain also made a six-week trip home to Sweden with Robert, her husband of 23 years. "When I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer, I wanted to make this long trip to Sweden," she says. "I doubted that I would do it again."

When Surain found out that her cancer had spread, she sought out Dr. Julie Gralow, at the University of Washington and the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. "I sought her out when I was diagnosed with metastatic disease because she is the best in her field in the area. I was already part of Team Survivor Northwest, and I knew that her focus, something that she believed strongly in, was physical activity for cancer patients."

Surain adds that Dr. Gralow doesn't say exercise can cure cancer, but that it can help manage the disease. "Dr. Gralow doesn't say there's any curative powers in exercise, but it's part of taking care of ourselves, and we can feel so much better during treatment."

Then, in December, Surain says, "I had some symptoms that indicated that a brain scan was needed."

The cancer had spread to her brain and she was treated with whole brain radiation therapy. There were additional complications, and scans in January showed it had spread to the spinal miningus. She was told then that there was nothing more her doctors could do. She and Robert began to plan for her last months.

A group of friends, many of them from Team Survivor, fought for the privilege of taking care of Surain's needs during this time.

Surain spends her time on a hospital bed in the living room of the houseboat where she and Robert have lived since October 1994. She is surrounded by flowers, music and the smells of the Indian food Robert cooks for her. Her cats jump up on the bed to be close to her.

Friends come and do small things, apply chapstick to her dry lips, brush her teeth, massage her feet, change the music on the CD player, read to her, and talk.

STILL THINKING OF OTHERS
During the last weeks of her life, Surain is still thinking of others. She says she had hoped to be living proof of how well a woman can live with metastatic breast cancer -- traveling, paddling and enjoying life despite the disease.

"I'd seen myself in the last nine months, from March to December, as a positive representative of the idea that life's not over just because the cancer has metastacized. I wanted to be that on-going representative that there is a positive future."

She adds, "I feel very sad and humbled that I am not that representative. I am a very scary representative, because the disease became so vicious, so quickly. I know it's very unusual and I would hope that people don't think that this can commonly occur."

Surain's friends would disagree, strongly, that she was not a role model for women with cancer and with advanced disease. We can all tell stories of how Surain helped us in the frightening moments when we received bad news, and then more bad news.

Surain was there to say, "You can do this. You can survive this."

"Now, I'm just holding on to what a good life I've had," Surain says. "I'm content. I am not having any problem with letting go. I've had a good life. There are no regrets, other than I would have liked to have more years with Robert. Life with Robert has been a rare treasure of discovery."

¶ Not the Last Dance

Thank you, my Friend, for all you shared,
On our dragonboat -- on the phone -- on the road -- on-line -- bedside.

I cherish your story from '92,
You "fell down" -- you "got up" -- and you "kept dancing!"

Thoughts of you sweep through my head--
Your casual style -- acts of kindness -- gentle spirit.

Team Survivors will remember you--
Song leader -- starboard paddler -- diplomatic guide.

You touched many hearts before you died,
Gracefully -- graciously -- accepting your Final Truth.

How did i know before Diane called last night,
That you had danced your final dance?

But wait! Am I wrong, or right?
You completed Raindancing 101 --
Sometimes easy-to-follow -- sometimes not -- but stimulating and fun!

Now I know your dancing is not done--
Because I see your dancing silhouette -- hear your rhythm -- feel your energy!
It's a beautiful dance -- lasting forever -- and ever so grand!
And, Dear Surain, is that the scent of lilacs coming from your hand?

Last Letter to Surain, From Dena Lasater, 3-9-02

¶ RainRobert on Surain’s diagnosis of cancer, January 2002:

“Dear friends, It is not easy to sit down to try to compose an email to tell you what is happening to my wife of 23+ years. My eyes are full of tears, and it is hard to see what I am typing when I tell you about what Surain is going through.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer in August 1999, early detection and small lumps. Her doctor performed a lumpectomy and then she was given local radiation. We experienced a happy year and a half (as shown in our Christmas card), including a six month trip of our lifetime to India. But in March of 2001 the cancer came back, and had metastasized to the lungs and other areas. Chemotherapy treatment ensued, which originally had some success. In December scans showed that the cancer had progressed to the brain, and she was given brain radiation. During this she started feeling weaker and weaker. So an MRI scan was performed. We got the result last week. It showed cancer in the meningitis and the spine. There is no longer any hope for her, and she is not expected to live much longer.

She is now in a wheelchair, not being able to walk. Her arms get weaker and weaker every day. She is not in pain, and - except a bit slower - her mind and speech are not affected. She rests a lot.

We have been married for over 23 years, and they have been wonderful, exciting years sharing everything with her. There are just so many memories, of hearing her voice, her laughter, her excitement . . . and just being with her.

Our love for each other has always been strong, but our bond is now stronger than ever. I will miss her immensely.

Robert”

Surain (dictated to Robert February 23, 2002):

“Here is an update on my situation:

Two major changes: